Desperately Seeking…

Now that I’m single, it’s time for me to put myself out there the way God intended: the personal ad. So, here it is:

FIRE SALE! SWM, 37, divorced, seeks F, 35-45ish, for fun and possible soulmatery. Must be able to keep up with a bewildering and largely pointless pastiche of literary, intellectual, and cultural references I can’t seem to turn off. Ability to smile indulgently at fumbling attempts to “keep it together” and occasional breathtaking lapses of self-awareness a plus. Must feel superior to football fans. And would it kill you to tell me every once in a while that I look nice? Really, now. No Juggalos please. Smokers or carnivores acceptable; smokivores OK but had better be really damned good-looking. Ready to settle? Send your picture and a writing sample to “Manager’s Special,” Box 563.

One thought on “Desperately Seeking…

  1. motherallie

    My maiden name is Cubbage. After reading this post, I feel that I can definitively say that–using you as an unknown control subject–wit, introspection, and a great sense of humor is part of the Cubbage genetic code. Good luck to you with your search…and I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
    -Allison (Cubbage) Sciullo
    Pittsburgh, PA

    Reply

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