RE: Bucket List (Revised) 02 23 13

Day 10 of Lent

Dear Lifestyle Overlords,

In reviewing my bucket list, which I last updated in September of 2011, I noticed that it needs some updating. It would be remiss of me not to be prepared to spring into immediate action in the event of my imminent death. I want to stand before your judgment seat in the vast halls of Hades with the ability to say in good faith that I attempted to cram my earthly existence as full as possible of random middlebrow achievements.

My new list is below, with changes clearly marked. Please comment as necessary.

  1. Learn Attic Greek.
  2. Write a novel, preferably one that hasn’t already been written.
  3. Travel the Continent; learn what the heart is and what it feels.
  4. Learn to play the harpsichord sackbut.
  5. Give each and every one of you everyone except Larry Johanssen of 513 Ardmore Way, Alexandria, Virginia a great big hug and ask you to borrow $5 $7.19 due to inflation.
  6. Perform The Rolling Stones’ “Street Fighting Man” to a crowd of no less than 6,000 people.
  7. Wear a shirt that has been ironed.
  8. Burn down something, anything.
  9. Club several people upside the head with an extra-large, extra-heavy copy of Edward Said’s Orientalism.
  10. Sit at last above the surface of the earth, the sun shining brightly upon my face, serene in the knowledge that all is very well, and to abide in that moment. Then, to bask in the glory of having led the C.H.U.D.s to victory over all of you.
  11. Twelve bags of Doritos, a hotel room, and no questions asked.
  12. Finish bucket list.


Brian Cubbage


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